Alcohol is poison to the wild woman and it's sold to us covered in pretty labels and enticing flavours . For as long as I can remember it had never played a positive role in my life and despite this I still grew up to binge drink beyond comprehension to numb out my feelings and express my wild nature.
It's common, unspoken knowledge in today's society that getting "white girl wasted" every weekend, blacking out, dancing on tables and fucking whoever you want is acceptable. Only when drunk though. If we as women were to express this kind of wild nature sober - watch out, "they" might have something to say - (although times are changing)
That's not even mentioning alcohol + toxic masculinity, rape culture and the alcoholic medication handed to men in order to avoid feeling. It's real and it's a problem.
My early twenties were riddled with drunken escapades, one night stands, extremely poor and dangerous choices and so many days under the influence of alcohol induced anxiety that the only cure I knew was to get up and drink again.
I grieve for maiden me that didn't know any better, that didn't listen to her gut that didn't speak up and admit I wasn't ok 95% of the time and that treated her body like it was nothing. like I was nothing. I wish I knew my divinity was innate - not in silver lining of a goon sack.
For me alcohol was a way I could express my wild side. I even had a name for drunk me - Gretchen leaves - I loved to get dressed up, dance, be vocal, sing.... all those things. and sadly in those days I only ever did these activities drunk.
I only ever let that wild part of me come out to play when I was drunk, or within the confines of safety among close friends. It makes me sad to think about how miserable I really was.
I still see this play out subconsciously within myself and those around me. Getting drunk to fill a void and numb out the pain in order to avoid feeling anything. I see people I love abuse themselves and those around them, ruining relationships and missing out on life - most of all I see women suppressing their wild nature and numbing out their divinity.
I gave up drinking for a year back in 2015 and what I learned about myself in that time changed me forever. I became to know my wild woman like never before. My spiritual journey accelerated and the real healing began.
I no longer had a red wine crotch and I was forced to face off with myself. I met my wild woman intimately and learned what stokes my fire, what grounds me, what allows me to feel and shift my emotions and what gives me life.
Australian culture thrives on goon sacks, passion pop and a slab of tinnies. It's not uncommon to see alcohol at kids parties ( 1st birthday anyone?) and wine'oclock is standard in most households. It's conditioned into most, a generational activity that is hardly questioned.
So when I think about my wild woman and the years of silence forced upon her from alcohol abuse I feel a need to speak up. To let every woman (and man) reading this know that although it may feel good to have a few and let loose ask yourself - at what price?
I lost many years of my life to alcohol abuse, I've lost friends and my ability to digest food with ease. I have had to do some major healing and forgive myself beyond measure for the choices I made.
I still have the occasional drink, although lately I've contemplating an alcohol free existance and I know one day I will.
If you have children ask what kind of relationship you are showing them when it comes to alcohol and what tools you handing down for them to feel and shift through difficult emotions.
In almost all the major traumatic events in my life alcohol was involved and 85% of those times I was not the intoxicated one. It only takes one event to change a child's life forever. Trauma happens quickly and can take a lifetime to heal.
The wild woman in me acknowledges and honours the wild woman in you. Get to know this sacred part of yourself and fuel her with love, gratitude and infinite trust!
Love, Nui xx