A naked body can be fun but have you seen someone naked on the inside? You know that vulnerable space between souls where you allow the walls to crumble and the light to shine.
One thing I have learned about myself over the past few weeks is that I crave that kind of nakedness, especially in my intimate partnership.
The way sex is taught and mirrored in society makes for unhealthy relationships that put good sex first and emotional health on the bottom of the list. Because if the sex is good then it's good, right?
As young women we've been told that being vulnerable in the sheets is important but being vulnerable in all the others areas makes us too emotional.
I've had many unhealthy sexual and emotional relationships in the past and one thing I've learned is that all I ever craved was to be naked on the inside. That I just wanted to open and unfold emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically.
That the reason I chased one night stands and sex in generally was because I wanted to reveal my inner world and I just didn't know how.
what I've grown to learn about myself and others is that vulnerability can be intoxicating, that's why we chase sex and settle for sex that doesn't necessarily meet our emotional needs, because to be vulnerable in any way feels expansive, invigorating, addictive almost.
At the beginning of this year I bought a jade Yoni egg. Little did I know at the time just how powerful that little ball of magic would be in regards to healing around sexual and sensual expression.
Through conscious connection and healing of my inner maiden I learned how I had developed the relationship I had with sex and intimacy and started the journey of healing it all.
My awakening started 4 years ago and as I ventured closer to the truth of who I am I knew that one day my relationship with my husband would have to be overhauled and healed. I pretty much waited until all the other areas of my life were healed before I faced it.
Our relationship has never been toxic. Intoxicating, yes, but not toxic.
From the moment I met this man he has been a beautiful mirror for me to explore my mind, heal the old wounds and just be at ease with life.
Fast forward nearly eight years, a FIFO job, a baby and all that "adult" stuff and somehow we allowed the pain and resentment to pile on top of our connection, weighing it down and nearly breaking us.
Something switched recently - I was listening to Wayne Dyer and he said "there is no justified resentment" ..... I was a little shook by that sentence because it made it clear to me just how much I was carrying. Just how much I was holding onto the past and the choices we made. And just how much I had allowed resentment to drive my connection with him.
Once the yoni egg journey began I realised how unhealthy my relationship with sex was. How I had used it so often to feel vulnerability, connection, stability, support and all the other emotions that can be tied to joy and growth. And I knew that I needed to change that.
I had to rewrite my stories around sex and intimacy and rediscover what it meant for me to feel pleasure on a holistic level. I had to create space in my world where sexual energy was valued for it's creative power and ability to create a vortex where two souls become one.
I had to reconnect with my body and literally feel myself back to life. To touch myself in places I was taught should be hidden and infuse my body with love - unconditional love - from myself to myself with the only reward being gratitude and expansion on the inside.
I had to meet myself on the inside, naked in my body and naked in my soul, no walls of protection and fear.
In that space is where I found my pleasure center. The place where my emotional, mental, physical and spiritual homeland resides.
And it's in that space I was able to solidify my undying love and support for myself so that I could take the steps needed to heal my relationship with my husband.
when you have an emotionally healthy relationship - a healthy sex life is a bonus, not the other way around. If your sex life is great but all the other areas are shit then it's time to check in and re-evaluate your stories and beliefs around sex and show up for yourself.
The thing I've come to love most about a healthy sex life is that it is a spiritual experience that is infused with all the pleasures that come with being human. To know healthy connections in all other areas and experience pleasure in a cosmic, human, kinky kinda way is bliss. Pure, naked bliss.
If you can't be naked on the inside with the one you love, or even the one your with, don't chase vulnerability in the sheets.
Lets rewrite what it is to be human. Lets tell our stories of pleasure - emotional, mental, spiritual and physical. And lets start practicing vulnerability outside of the sheets so that sex is the meeting of duality - Human and spiritual.
And remember that being able to hold another in that space of internal nakedness is a gift that should never be taken for granted.
Love, Nui xx